Thoughts through transition.

Thoughts through transition.
July 4, 2020

Some questions....

Has anyone looked at data about alcohol and drug addiction and the roles they play in delaying coming out? 

What is the percentage of LGBTQIA+ persons who have waited until their 50's to come out?

Is there a corollary between the two questions?

I ask this because my first knowledge that I wasn't following the "norm" in  sexual development was when I was 13.  I felt compelled to cover up my "sins".  One thing I had found when I was 14 was that alcohol and drugs were great at blinding my emotions.  I was able to act on my emotions and yet my true nature always came out, albeit sideways. 

For many decades my inability to accept who I am has been due to the use of alcohol and drugs.  I'll say this much, the numbing of my mind allowed me to function within societal norms.  When I managed to stop drinking my true self came forth.  My feminine side came forward in 1990 and scared the hell out of me.  

Over the years I've been both homophobic and transphobic.  Fearing rejection by family and friends I played a role I thought society wanted me to play.  I wasn't that good at it.  I've learned that truth to self often does not come from within.  I found it within myself, true.  However I wouldn't have been able to without the help of others.  I'm so grateful that I did.

I'm going to stop here for now.  This post took over 5 months to write.  I need to write more often for sure.

Love and hope your holidays go well.....

Grateful and gorgeous....

Mariposa

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