And then there's the one about.......

And Then There's The One About.....

                                                                               




The butt of the joke. 

 Misgendered and dead-named.  On the phone or in person never fails to sting.  I want to scream and I can't. 

I've joked with others about my transition and sexuality.  I'm the one who sets the narrative within the content of humor.  What hurts is when others do it with harm as the intent.  There are many comedians who have made a lot of money poking fun at minorities and under represented folks. 

Telling jokes about or calling transgender and nonbinary people derogatory names is not being humorous or sarcastic.  It's hate speech.  Mankind has been doing it for all of it's existence. Instead of focusing on our differences as avenues of awareness to be explored Mankind has used our differences to promote fear.  

There's was a wonderful sense of relief when I came out to myself and to the world as a whole.  Being truthful to self is as important to a person as regular medical visits.  At the age of 13 I had a sense that I wasn't like other boys.  I had no words for how I felt.  

How does one explain that to one's parents?  To be honest to family and friends?  Being told that walking "that" way or talking "that" way meant you were a sissy or worse. Teaching people to fear is what most control schemes do.  

Skin color, sexuality, ethnicity, gender. gender identity, mental health, economic status among other differences are used on a daily basis to promote fear. The human species is as diverse as any other creature on the planet.  And yet some how we've become fearful of each others differences.

I'm pretty sure that getting the majority of people on Earth to embrace diversity is a near impossibility. How to stop this behavior within the species?  I haven't a clue. The nearest I've come to any kind of solution is within myself.  

Wishing kindness and compassion for all....

With love.

Mariposa

ƸӜƷ

 

Haiku, In The Night With My Thoughts.

 Moving in the Night...

Thoughts and dreams ethereal...

Awake, the world sleeps.

                            Mariposa  ƸӜƷ

Thoughts through transition.

Thoughts through transition.
July 4, 2020

Some questions....

Has anyone looked at data about alcohol and drug addiction and the roles they play in delaying coming out? 

What is the percentage of LGBTQIA+ persons who have waited until their 50's to come out?

Is there a corollary between the two questions?

I ask this because my first knowledge that I wasn't following the "norm" in  sexual development was when I was 13.  I felt compelled to cover up my "sins".  One thing I had found when I was 14 was that alcohol and drugs were great at blinding my emotions.  I was able to act on my emotions and yet my true nature always came out, albeit sideways. 

For many decades my inability to accept who I am has been due to the use of alcohol and drugs.  I'll say this much, the numbing of my mind allowed me to function within societal norms.  When I managed to stop drinking my true self came forth.  My feminine side came forward in 1990 and scared the hell out of me.  

Over the years I've been both homophobic and transphobic.  Fearing rejection by family and friends I played a role I thought society wanted me to play.  I wasn't that good at it.  I've learned that truth to self often does not come from within.  I found it within myself, true.  However I wouldn't have been able to without the help of others.  I'm so grateful that I did.

I'm going to stop here for now.  This post took over 5 months to write.  I need to write more often for sure.

Love and hope your holidays go well.....

Grateful and gorgeous....

Mariposa

  ƸӜƷ

  

A fundamental transition...

A Fundamental Transition...

Not only have I made the transition from male to female, I've

aged into what I hope is a graceful age.  To be older in society often brings about many issues for our experienced elders.

As a transgender woman I've become used to slights and barely audible comments from others.  These hurt and don't help at all.  And, now my Time has been moving right along.  It's done what Time does best.  How to age with Grace and Dignity. 

Many times I've regretted starting so late in my 'becoming'.
This is a trap.  Not one person that has ever lived has been able to stop time.  Not one.  I've had to meditate and have discussion with family, friends and therapist about how to release myself from the trap of not being viable due to my age.

One of the things I've learned is that age is only a barrier if I let it be.  I'm lucky that I've been able to keep fairly good health.  Having a major heart surgery in my early fifties saved my life.  But, it also put a major speed bump in my road of transition.  Living on my own has also placed another thing to deal with. 

This I know.  Most of my transition has been within my mind.  If fact almost all of it.  I like to say, "I've already transitioned.  It's more a matter of plumbing now."  However, there is no way to turn back the clock.  Living my best self one day at a time has been something I've been trying to do for almost ten years now. That's what's been going on in my life lately. 

Helping others with recovery issues has been a major part of my life and that has probably been the single part of my life that has given me the most rewards.  I would like to recommend that if you're having issues with feeling like "is this really worth it?" get into something socially minded.  Help others.  There are many areas that all elder people can reach out and help.  After all.....we are the Elders.

We all transition in a most fundamental way.  I for one will continue to reach out and be a part of Life.

Hugs and smiles for all.....
ƸӜƷ
Mariposa

Haiku...

Feelings that don't fit,
Leak out of the box sideways,
Unless we break it.

Playing with pictures....

Something that I used to do...

Something that I used to do was to take and post process pictures.  Here is today's try.  Taken with my Olympus OM-D E-M5 MarkII.  I bought this camera about a year ago and thought that I would get much more use out of it.  Unfortunately that wasn't the case. 

So, maybe as a weekly thing I'll take and post a picture that I find interesting.  They'll be post processed.  I use many different programs. Adobe's Creative Cloud, Corel's Paintshop Pro,  GIMP and Olympus's Workspace software to achieve effects that help.  

I'm trying to gain some consistency it my Life.  Hopefully, this is one of many things that'll help.

Love for all y'all.....

Maybe someone can title this....in the comments section please.

Mari

ƸӜƷ

Way too long to be silent....

             It's been a very long time....




It's been a very very long time since I've posted anything to Road Rash.

I'm not a consistent person on the best days and many things had happened once I stopped drinking.  Many of these things were beyond my wildest dreams.
Starting with a major heart operation I became much more aware of my health.

What started out as a healing from the inside out I became much aware of my dysphoria.  Feeling feminine in a masculine body was starting to have disastrous effects on me.
And suicide became much more a real option.  I couldn't think of much else.  I stayed sober regardless and pulled back from posting to many of my old haunts.  i.e. blogger, twitter

I used to have a few steady followers.  I think that my coming out may have affected their feelings about me.  I'm not going to apologize or say sorry.  I will wish them well and will always have a moment to share with them if they wish.

So, why now?  Why return to a place I haven't been to in a long time.  Well, Facebook is a mess.
It's as bad as traditional network television.  I find that my addictive nature continues.  Stuck in the click happy world of Facebook is hell.  I'm probably the worst transgressor of reposting memes.

So, maybe it's time to just post those things I create here.  Leave FB to links and silly memes and
events.

Looking forward to some new pictures and anecdotes for all y'all.

With love and life!
Mariposa
ƸӜƷ

A quiet moment into haiku.

Just one moment, think.
A point in time, consider.
Quiet into Night.

Onto a street of dreams.

Playing with Snapseed. Turning a sow's ear into a silk purse.